What Your “Vanity Level” Says About You - And Why It’s Okay to Care

Let’s talk about a word that often makes people uncomfortable: vanity.

It’s a label we toss around quickly - sometimes with judgment, sometimes with guilt. “I don’t want to be vain,” patients often say when they step into my clinic. As if caring about how you look needs to be defended. As if wanting to look in the mirror and like what you see is something to be ashamed of.

But here’s the truth: vanity isn’t shallow. In fact, it’s deeply human.

What Is Vanity, Really?

At its core, vanity is about caring - about appearance, yes, but also about how we’re perceived. It’s the desire to present ourselves well, feel proud of who we are, and be seen and valued - first by ourselves, and then by others.

Psychologists describe this as part of our self-concept - the mental picture we hold of ourselves. How we look is intertwined with how we feel. When we feel off in our appearance, it can affect confidence, energy, and even the way we interact socially.

Vanity vs. Self-Respect

There’s a difference between being vain and having self-respect.

Vanity is often seen as excessive preoccupation with appearance.

But self-respect includes taking care of how we present ourselves - because we know we’re worth that care.

When someone chooses to treat their skin, soften a frown line, or brighten a dull complexion, it isn’t always about looking younger or impressing others. Often, it’s about feeling like themselves again. About aligning their outer appearance with the vibrant, capable person they are inside.

What Drives “Vanity”?

It’s not always what you think. Here are some deeper reasons people seek aesthetic care:

• Aging and Identity: When changes in the mirror feel unfamiliar or disconnect you from who you’ve always been.
• Control: In a world that feels chaotic, taking charge of your appearance gives a sense of agency.
• Care and Routine: For many, aesthetic treatments are an extension of self-care — like eating well or exercising.
• Emotional Healing: After stress, trauma, or major life changes, tending to our appearance can be part of regaining confidence and wholeness.

And sometimes, yes - it’s simply because we want to look nice. And that’s okay too.

What’s Your Vanity Level?

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel bad about wanting to look good?
• Am I harsh on myself when I notice signs of aging?
• Am I doing this for me - or to please someone else?

There’s no “right” amount of vanity. But there is a healthy version: one rooted in self-respect, autonomy, and joy - not pressure or fear.

Final Thoughts

At my clinic, I don’t treat “vanity.” I treat people - people who want to feel aligned with the face they see in the mirror, people who care deeply about presenting their best selves to the world.

If that’s you, you’re not vain. You’re human. And you’re allowed to care.

With care,
Dr. Chia Min Shan